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InsideMe
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Name: Jenny
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 1/29/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: Rockin out
Expertise: Making somethings out of nothings
Occupation: Being a voice for those who ca
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/6/2002
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| For the most part, I'm transferring my blog entries to my new website with the world race:
http://jennywillis.theworldrace.org
You can follow me and the team through the places and stories God brings us to!
Mucho Amor,
Jenny
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For me there are two roads: the one I think is pretty and something I'd like to travel down, and the one God is leading/pushing/coaxing/persuading me down. For some reason, His doesn't always look as inviting as mine. Actually, more often than not, mine looks more appealing.
Tangent starting.
I spent the weekend in Oregon visiting one of my closest friends Amanda, and her newly wedded husband, Kevin. They were so cute to me with their quickly forming routine of cuddling on the couch each night over one of Amanda's gourmet dinners and episodes of Alias. It was a gift to be a part of this special time in their lives.
I'll tell you what. There is nothing like watching the process of a close friend meeting someone, falling in love, and marrying. Even more so, it is neat to see the man Amanda has dreamed and prayed over, materialize into what we now know as Kevin McConnell.
Tangent over.
I took a friend's advice and drove to the ocean after I left Kevin and Amanda's home Sunday morning. The point of the trip was to get away from distractions and spend some time with the Lord. That I did. The drive in reaching the ocean was a long one - maybe five hours. Of course, I took my time and stopped in the town of Long Beach, WA to support the local espresso stand. The barista assumed I was from the area and I wondered if I worked there, if I too would assume every customer was a local as well. Long Beach, WA is a popular tourist spot during the summer. This time of year, poets would label it a 'sleepy town, slow in color and business.' (tangent).
Anyway, on my ocean adventure, the idea God gave me was of the Two Roads. I'm admittedly a dreamer. The road I often paint before me is no doubt beautiful, intoxicating and desirable. But not just to say it's fabricated or romanticized. Some of the things I'd like to do I would honestly be perfect for and them for me.
And that is precisely what God is getting at, and what He has been getting at for awhile. The things I want and desire for myself, although to me look quite perfect, He knows better and can see a bigger picture. I am left with the decision to trust him, and skip giddily down the road He is pointing towards in a child-like trust.
Needless to say, I wrestled a little, then surrendered.
"Although I think this way would be perfect for me God, I'm laying it down because You know best and I trust You."
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| I probably shouldn't admit something like this in such a public venue, but I will anyway.
These past few days I have been a little apprehensive about going on the World Race and leaving the American life for a whole year. Specifically, I've let America and my flesh tell me that I am almost 25 and should be getting married soon, starting a grown-up life, and moving forward.
I called my friend Chris and sheepishly shared these innermost concerns with him. We are usually on the same page, and more often than not, I find empathy in him.
He laughs when I tell him, then responds:
"Oh yeah Jenny, isn't menopause right around the corner for you? You better hurry up and get married. Don't want to ignore that biological clock. It's ticking ya know..." and on and on his ruthless sarcasm went.
At first I was shocked that he knew what menopause was. (Growing up without brothers has made me think men truly are from mars and know nothing of the female sex).
Then I was shocked that he didn't cradle me and tell me everything was going to be o.k. I was shocked and pleasantly pleased. This is the second time in the past 3 days he has Jesus-lovingly kicked my butt about worrying and not standing firm in Faith.
Thanks for being a guy...and a brother...Chris! | | |
| "The railroad track is miles away,
And the day is loud with voices speaking,
Yet there isn't a train goes by all day,
But I hear its whistle shrieking.
All night there isn't a train goes by,
Though the night is still for sleep and dreaming,
But I see its cinders red on the sky,
And hear its engine steaming.
My heart is warm with the friends I make,
And better friends I'll not be knowiing;
Yet there isn't a train I wouldn't take,
No matter where it's going."
-Edna St. Vincent Millay | | |
| Hey I dont know why but I checked out that xanga page you linked to... there was some heavy stuff in there Jenny. I feel you on the Anxiety and Depression... I was always so good at being the happy positive kid... Depression was non existent in my life... at APU I was deadset on being a good Christian - and making a difference - and really submitting my life to the lord - Being the best at what I did in college in and out - And then one day it was ripped from me - and I quit school so unhealthy and dead inside - spiritually and mentally... It has taken over a year to at least set myself somewhat straight again - just with myself... I just returned to APU a week ago, and it was odd... I went to chapel and felt sick... like this rockstar hour of power... I couldn't help but think that this was never the way God had intended church to go... I don't know I like the idea of that church you had talked about in your blog... I think the most powerfull moments for me were spent serving the homeless... Simple non judgemental... just be there. I don't know... Jenny seriously I long for that over sitting in church every sunday... In fact I have gone to church very little since leaving school... anyway sorry this is so long... know that those things you described are many of the very things I struggle with.
"True friends are a sure refuge" -Aristotle | | |
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